Levante Suede Matte TightsOh suits you Madam, suits you Sir! Browsing the news this week we were titillated by the announcement that one of those University going mathematician types has finally revealed what we always knew. Those beardy silent geezers who scribble a lot on boards that are black with chalk really do love getting stuck into women's underwear.
 
Though if we read a little deeper, while Dr James Hind is intrigued by his wife's intimates, it's his wife that is still wearing them and not himself. The region that is most connected in history with tights in the UK is of course Nottingham. You know, Sherwood Forest, Robin Hood and men in tights, so James wouldn't be alone, had that been the story.
 
But no, Dr James Hind is a mathematician and he was recently asked by Radio Nottinghamshire to devise a way all the local woman could easily figure out which tights they should pull on of a morning. Simply by listening to their weather report. The Doc came up with a mathematical formula that tells a woman which denier of tights she should select for any given day.
 
So if you are into digital radio listen into BBC Radio Nottinghamshire to get the low down on the daily denier formula and find out what denier tights you should be wearing. See the image below for the formula but it goes a bit like this. D (denier) minus (calculation). That calculation takes into account wind speed and temperature, the result of which will be anything from a 10 denier tight to 100.
 
Dr James Hind suggested that "No matter how cold or how warm it gets, the equation will work." People in Scotland however argued that the formula was pointless as they still only have to look out the window to know that 250 denier sheepskin tights are required every day. Except on 1st July when 240 denier is acceptable as the sun shines for two minutes.
 
The denier formula works for all weather across the world. Using Wunderground and weather forecasts you can now buy your tights online in tandem with the up and coming weather. How cool is that? Don't get hot under the collar or blustery prevaricating over the British outlook any more. Be an informed orderer of tights denier all thanks to Dr James Hind and his wife's tights collection.
 
If you want to download the formula you can download it here, ntu.ac.uk/stockingforecast